When global emergencies strike, people often find themselves grappling with unexpected emotions like resentment, irritability, and even a sense of selfishness toward others. Whether you feel like you’re being unfairly targeted, take up all the scarce resources, or simply lack access to basic needs, it’s natural to wonder if your reaction is justified. However, research in psychology and sociology suggests that these feelings are far more common than they appear and are rooted in well-understood human experiences.
The period between 2020 and 2022, marked by lockdowns, vaccine rollouts, economic shifts, and widespread health concerns, became a unique crucible for examining how humans cope under extreme uncertainty. In this environment, the lines between personal struggle and collective responsibility blur, making feelings of self-centeredness almost inevitable yet not necessarily problematic.
Understanding why we might feel selfish during such turbulent times requires looking at several interconnected factors. First, there is the concept of scarcity mindset—when resources become limited, both tangible and social, our brains automatically prioritize self-preservation over altruism. Second, social comparison plays a powerful role; when everyone sees others struggling, it becomes difficult to distinguish genuine empathy from self-protection. Third, the duration and intensity of the crisis amplify existing personality traits and past experiences, potentially triggering codependent patterns that surface only under stress.
The Unexpected Emotional Landscape of Pandemics
Pandemics do not exist in a vacuum. They intersect with preexisting vulnerabilities in mental health, socioeconomic status, and cultural background. For many, the sudden shift to remote work, school closures, and restricted gatherings meant facing daily challenges alongside physical illness and loss. This confluence of stressors created fertile ground for negative emotions, including anger, frustration, and what some called “selfishness.” It is important to recognize that these feelings emerged from legitimate concerns rather than malice.
Scarcity Mindset: How Resource Constraints Shape Behavior
One of the most robust findings in behavioral economics is the relationship between resource scarcity and decision-making. When individuals perceive that essential resources—such as food, healthcare, or income—are limited, their focus naturally narrows to the present moment and immediate survival needs. This phenomenon, known as scarcity mindset, leads people to make short-term choices that may seem self-serving because they prioritize personal security over broader communal wellbeing.
Consider the scenario where someone works from home while colleagues return to offices. The person at home faces the uncertainty of whether they will receive enough support, childcare, or internet reliability. Their instinct might be to prioritize their own stability above all else, which could manifest as complaining about workplace policies or feeling entitled to certain accommodations. While these reactions are understandable, they reflect a bias toward self-preservation triggered by real material constraints.
Social Comparison and the Thin Line Between Empathy and Selfishness
A central challenge during pandemics has been pervasive social comparison. With neighbors, coworkers, and family members experiencing similar hardships, it becomes difficult to judge who truly deserves sympathy versus who appears to be taking advantage.
This comparison can trigger feelings of resentment, especially when one person perceives another as benefiting more from the situation. For instance, if two friends live in different housing conditions, the friend in the better location might feel jealous or ungrateful, interpreting the other’s ease as evidence of selfishness. Research shows that chronic exposure to others’ perceived privileges can erode empathy and heighten defensive reactions.
Moreover, the rapid spread of misinformation exacerbated tensions. When conflicting narratives circulated online, individuals sometimes blamed each other for the collective problem, with accusations of hoarding, hoarding vaccines, or refusing help fueling perceptions of selfishness in others.
Codependency Patterns Amplified by Isolation
Psychological research identifies codependence as a recurring pattern where individuals seek external validation through relationships, often at the expense of their own autonomy. Pandemic isolation intensified these tendencies dramatically. With less contact with loved ones and limited social outlets, some people turned inward, focusing intensely on their own struggles.
This inward focus can manifest as a belief that others should primarily provide emotional comfort or financial assistance. Such behaviors might include withdrawing from friends, declining help offers, or expressing disdain toward those who appear overly supportive. While this pattern may serve as a temporary defense mechanism against overwhelming stress, it can also deepen feelings of alienation and worsen mental health outcomes.
Information Overload and Its Impact on Self-Perception
The digital age amplified pandemic-related information consumption. News, scientific updates, and policy announcements flooded continuously, creating cognitive load and emotional exhaustion. This overload can distort perception, making individuals hyper-aware of perceived inequities and fueling feelings of entitlement or unfairness.
When people spend hours scrolling through COVID-19 statistics, they may fixate on disparities in infection rates, vaccine distribution, or healthcare access. This heightened awareness can lead to a sense that others are either neglecting themselves or exploiting available resources. Even without direct involvement in these issues, the narrative of disparity can foster a self-focused worldview where one feels disproportionately burdened compared to others.
Guilt, Shame, and the Perceived Moral Weight of Self-Focusing
Perhaps the most confusing aspect of pandemic-related selfishness is the accompanying guilt and shame. Many people worry that they are contributing to the very problems they are experiencing. This moral confusion arises because societies often frame individuals who focus on their own needs as lacking empathy.
Research indicates that cultures with strong collectivist values generally show higher levels of self-referential thinking during crises. People from such backgrounds may internalize the belief that prioritizing oneself is inherently selfish, regardless of context. On the other hand, individualist cultures tend to value personal achievement and independence, which can paradoxically increase feelings of entitlement when combined with genuine distress.
Navigating this tension requires balancing self-compassion with recognition of shared vulnerability. Acknowledging that one’s feelings are valid does not mean suppressing them; rather, it means developing a nuanced understanding of when self-focus serves healthy purposes versus when it becomes harmful.
Practical Strategies for Managing Self-Focused Emotions
Recognizing that feeling somewhat selfish during a pandemic is normal is the first step toward constructive management. Here are several evidence-based approaches:
1. Practice Cognitive Reframing. Challenge thoughts of entitlement by asking: “Is my current priority really more important than others’?” or “Am I comparing my behind-the-scenes struggles to someone else’s best moments?”. This helps separate objective reality from subjective exaggeration.
2. Establish Clear Boundaries. Define what you can realistically contribute to your community, and set limits on how much emotional labor you offer. Boundaries protect both your well-being and the quality of your help.
3. Cultivate Compassion for Others. Instead of viewing others as competitors for resources, try to see them as fellow survivors navigating similar uncertainties. Small acts of kindness, even modest ones, can counteract the sense of self-centeredness.
4. Maintain Physical and Mental Hygiene. Regular exercise, adequate sleep, and mindful practices reduce overall stress, making it easier to stay emotionally balanced amid adversity.
5. Seek Supportive Connections. Sharing your feelings with trusted friends, family, or support groups can alleviate isolation and remind you that you are not alone in your experience.
Finding Connection Without Sacrificing Boundaries
One of the most valuable lessons from recent crises is learning to connect meaningfully without losing personal space. Technology has enabled new forms of community engagement, from virtual book clubs to online volunteer networks. The key lies in deliberate participation: choosing connections that align with your interests and energy levels, and communicating clearly about what you expect from each interaction.
For example, instead of attempting to organize large-scale events that may become burdensome, consider smaller group chats or weekly check-ins that respect everyone’s time. These micro-connections can satisfy the human need for belonging while preserving autonomy.
Additionally, practicing active listening—focusing fully on another person’s perspective without immediately evaluating or returning the conversation to yourself—can transform interactions into opportunities for mutual understanding, even when circumstances feel tense.
When to Seek Professional Support
While occasional moments of selfishness during challenging times are normal, persistent feelings of anger, hopelessness, or difficulty functioning might signal the need for professional help. If negative emotions dominate your daily life, disrupt sleep, or impair relationships, speaking with a therapist or counselor can provide valuable tools for processing complex emotions. Therapies such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) are particularly effective for addressing maladaptive thought patterns related to self-worth and social comparison.
Remember, seeking help is not a sign of weakness. It is a proactive step toward building resilience and ensuring long-term well-being. Many therapists offer telehealth options, making it easier to access care during lockdowns or travel restrictions.
The Unexpected Emotional Landscape of Pandemics
Pandemics do not exist in a vacuum. They intersect with preexisting vulnerabilities in mental health, socioeconomic status, and cultural background. For many, the sudden shift to remote work, school closures, and restricted gatherings meant facing daily challenges alongside physical illness and loss. This confluence of stressors created fertile ground for negative emotions, including anger, frustration, and what some called “selfishness.” It is important to recognize that these feelings emerged from legitimate concerns rather than malice.
Scarcity Mindset: How Resource Constraints Shape Behavior
One of the most robust findings in behavioral economics is the relationship between resource scarcity and decision-making. When individuals perceive that essential resources—such as food, healthcare, or income—are limited, their focus naturally narrows to the present moment and immediate survival needs. This phenomenon, known as scarcity mindset, leads people to make short-term choices that may seem self-serving because they prioritize personal security over broader communal wellbeing.
Consider the scenario where someone works from home while colleagues return to offices. The person at home faces the uncertainty of whether they will receive enough support, childcare, or internet reliability. Their instinct might be to prioritize their own stability above all else, which could manifest as complaining about workplace policies or feeling entitled to certain accommodations. While these reactions are understandable, they reflect a bias toward self-preservation triggered by real material constraints.
Social Comparison and the Thin Line Between Empathy and Selfishness
A central challenge during pandemics has been pervasive social comparison. With neighbors, coworkers, and family members experiencing similar hardships, it becomes difficult to judge who truly deserves sympathy versus who appears to be taking advantage.
This comparison can trigger feelings of resentment, especially when one person perceives another as benefiting more from the situation. For instance, if two friends live in different housing conditions, the friend in the better location might feel jealous or ungrateful, interpreting the other’s ease as evidence of selfishness. Research shows that chronic exposure to others’ perceived privileges can erode empathy and heighten defensive reactions.
Moreover, the rapid spread of misinformation exacerbated tensions. When conflicting narratives circulated online, individuals sometimes blamed each other for the collective problem, with accusations of hoarding, hoarding vaccines, or refusing help fueling perceptions of selfishness in others.
Codependency Patterns Amplified by Isolation
Psychological research identifies codependence as a recurring pattern where individuals seek external validation through relationships, often at the expense of their own autonomy. Pandemic isolation intensified these tendencies dramatically. With less contact with loved ones and limited social outlets, some people turned inward, focusing intensely on their own struggles.
This inward focus can manifest as a belief that others should primarily provide emotional comfort or financial assistance. Such behaviors might include withdrawing from friends, declining help offers, or expressing disdain toward those who appear overly supportive. While this pattern may serve as a temporary defense mechanism against overwhelming stress, it can also deepen feelings of alienation and worsen mental health outcomes.
Information Overload and Its Impact on Self-Perception
The digital age amplified pandemic-related information consumption. News, scientific updates, and policy announcements flooded continuously, creating cognitive load and emotional exhaustion. This overload can distort perception, making individuals hyper-aware of perceived inequities and fueling feelings of entitlement or unfairness.
When people spend hours scrolling through COVID-19 statistics, they may fixate on disparities in infection rates, vaccine distribution, or healthcare access. This heightened awareness can lead to a sense that others are either neglecting themselves or exploiting available resources. Even without direct involvement in these issues, the narrative of disparity can foster a self-focused worldview where one feels disproportionately burdened compared to others.
Guilt, Shame, and the Perceived Moral Weight of Self-Focusing
Perhaps the most confusing aspect of pandemic-related selfishness is the accompanying guilt and shame. Many people worry that they are contributing to the very problems they are experiencing. This moral confusion arises because societies often frame individuals who focus on their own needs as lacking empathy.
Research indicates that cultures with strong collectivist values generally show higher levels of self-referential thinking during crises. People from such backgrounds may internalize the belief that prioritizing oneself is inherently selfish, regardless of context. On the other hand, individualist cultures tend to value personal achievement and independence, which can paradoxically increase feelings of entitlement when combined with genuine distress.
Navigating this tension requires balancing self-compassion with recognition of shared vulnerability. Acknowledging that one’s feelings are valid does not mean suppressing them; rather, it means developing a nuanced understanding of when self-focus serves healthy purposes versus when it becomes harmful.
Evolutionary Foundations of Self-Prioritization Under Stress
To fully grasp why self-focused reactions emerge so readily during crises, it is helpful to examine our evolutionary heritage. Humans evolved over hundreds of thousands of years in environments characterized by unpredictable threats — predators, food scarcity, and disease. Our brains developed sophisticated mechanisms to monitor resources and assess threats, with a particular emphasis on protecting the self and securing the group’s survival.
During the COVID-19 pandemic, these ancestral systems were activated at unprecedented scale. The constant pressure of potential infection, the uncertainty of medical treatment, and the disruption of traditional support structures all served as modern triggers for the same nervous system responses that had once ensured survival. When your blood runs low or your tribe is threatened, your body prioritizes calories, safety, and reproduction. Today, these neurobiological remnants translate into a heightened sensitivity to perceived scarcity and a corresponding inclination to focus on one’s own needs.
Consider the physiological basis: elevated cortisol levels during prolonged stress hijack the prefrontal cortex, reducing capacity for long-range planning and increasing reactivity to immediate threats. This neural recalibration explains why pandemic-era self-focused behavior was not merely a matter of poor judgment but a predictable outcome of an ancient survival circuitry that has not yet fully adapted to the novel social and environmental realities of the twenty-first century.
Intergenerational Variations in Pandemic-Relevant Self-Focus
Notably, the expression of selfishness during crises varies significantly across generations, shaped by prior life experiences and differing attachment styles formed in earlier decades. Older adults, who often lived through previous systemic collapses such as the Great Depression or the 1970s oil crisis, may possess a more seasoned understanding of resource constraints that temperes their reactions with pragmatic acceptance. Their perspective tends to emphasize preparation and conservation, which can inadvertently frame contemporary resource competition as unnecessary aggression.
Millennial cohorts, raised with constant connectivity and exposed to diverse viewpoints from a young age, bring a more flexible, sometimes skeptical attitude toward authority. They may interpret perceived selfishness as rational boundary-setting rather than malicious intent. This cohort often navigates hybrid work arrangements and remote education, which blends elements of both pre-pandemic and post-pandemic norms, resulting in a nuanced self-assessment that balances institutional loyalty with personal autonomy.
Gen Z, having spent formative years in an era of unprecedented digital mobilization and climate activism, frequently frames self-centeredness through the lens of collective responsibility. Their generation has grown up witnessing social movements that link individual action with societal transformation, fostering a mindset where self-care is not a luxury but a prerequisite for sustained participation in communal efforts. Consequently, behaviors that might appear entitled in previous generations are now often reinterpreted as necessary self-maintenance for the sake of future contribution.
These generational differences are not static; they evolve as individuals encounter new experiences and reassess historical analogues. As society gradually adapts to permanent changes in work, education, and governance, the patterns of self-focused emotion associated with crises will continue to shift, offering fresh insights into the dynamic nature of human psychology.
Digital Echo Chambers and the Amplification of Self-Centered Narratives
In addition to biological and social factors, the medium through which pandemic information travels plays a crucial role in shaping emotional responses. Social media platforms, designed to maximize engagement, often prioritize content that provokes strong reactions — and negative or dramatic content typically generates more clicks, shares, and comments.
During the pandemic, viral videos depicting severe illness, empty grocery store shelves, or disputes over mask mandates circulated rapidly, feeding into pre-existing anxieties and allowing strangers to compare their lived experience against exaggerated portrayals. Anonymity further emboldened hostile commenting, as users could vent frustrations about perceived selfishness without fear of immediate social consequence.
Algorithms reinforced these tendencies by showing individuals increasingly the views of others who agreed with their suspicious interpretations. Within closed echo chambers, alternative perspectives — such as data-backed explanations of why certain measures were necessary — were often dismissed as conspiratorial or out of touch. This polarization made it difficult for those outside the chamber to recognize that their seemingly reasonable skepticism might itself stem from unresolved grievances that needed addressing.
Even after the acute phase of the pandemic passed, the digital infrastructure left behind continued to shape perception. Notifications about backlogged vaccine doses or uncertain supply chains resurfaced periodically, triggering renewed self-focused reflections and reinforcing the belief that the world was fundamentally unfavorable toward individual interests.
Therapeutic Pathways Beyond Cognitive Reframing
While cognitive reframing techniques provided valuable entry points for many, a comprehensive recovery from pandemic-related self-focus often requires more specialized intervention. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy has proven effective in helping individuals process traumatic memories of illness, isolation, and forced separation, thereby reducing the grip of intrusive thoughts that may masquerade as selfishness.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), originally developed for borderline personality disorder, offers concrete skills for managing intense emotions arising from perceived rejection or scarcity. Techniques such as distress tolerance and emotion regulation help people respond to moments of self-centered frustration with greater equanimity, recognizing that their current reactions are adaptive responses to abnormal circumstances rather than character flaws.
Group therapy sessions adapted for post-pandemic populations have also shown remarkable efficacy. Participants share their experiences of isolation, work-from-home challenges, and the toll of competing for dwindling resources. The collective validation that emerges in these spaces reduces the isolation that feeds self-focused rumination and fosters a sense of solidarity that counters the isolation often felt during lockdown periods.
Peer-support networks, particularly those organized around shared pandemic experiences, provide a unique blend of accountability and compassion. Members can practice active listening, validate each other’s feelings without judgment, and co-create strategies for maintaining well-being. This relational reconstruction is essential for translating the initial shock of the crisis into sustainable emotional resilience.
Post-Crisis Integration: From Temporary Self-Focus to Sustainable Contribution
The final stage of recovery involves integrating the crisis-driven self-focused period into a broader life narrative that emphasizes contribution and connection. Rather than viewing the pandemic as purely a time of selfishness, individuals can reframe their experiences as a period of accelerated learning that produced lasting benefits.
This transition requires intentional effort. One approach is to identify transferable skills gained during the pandemic — such as increased adaptability, enhanced digital literacy, or improved conflict-resolution abilities — and apply them to prosocial activities. Volunteering for causes aligned with personal values, mentoring younger colleagues, or even contributing to open-source projects can transform former feelings of deprivation into avenues for giving.
Another pathway is the cultivation of a growth-oriented identity. By defining oneself not by what one lacked during the crisis but by what one built afterward, individuals can diminish the lingering shadow of self-centeredness. Journaling exercises, reflective interviews, and structured coaching sessions can help articulate this shift from scarcity mindset to abundance mindset.
Importantly, this doesn’t mean abandoning self-care or acknowledging legitimate grief. Sustainable contribution emerges when self-focus is paired with empathy, timing, and realistic assessment of one’s capacity. The goal is not to produce perpetual altruists but to develop a balanced relationship with oneself and others that includes both protection and generosity.
Practical Strategies for Managing Self-Focused Emotions
Recognizing that feeling somewhat selfish during a pandemic is normal is the first step toward constructive management. Here are several evidence-based approaches:
1. Practice Cognitive Reframing. Challenge thoughts of entitlement by asking: “Is my current priority really more important than others’?” or “Am I comparing my behind-the-scenes struggles to someone else’s best moments?” This helps separate objective reality from subjective exaggeration.
2. Establish Clear Boundaries. Define what you can realistically contribute to your community, and set limits on how much emotional labor you offer. Boundaries protect both your well-being and the quality of your help.
3. Cultivate Compassion for Others. Instead of viewing others as competitors for resources, try to see them as fellow survivors navigating similar uncertainties. Small acts of kindness, even modest ones, can counteract the sense of self-centeredness.
4. Maintain Physical and Mental Hygiene. Regular exercise, adequate sleep, and mindful practices reduce overall stress, making it easier to stay emotionally balanced amid adversity.
5. Seek Supportive Connections. Sharing your feelings with trusted friends, family, or support groups can alleviate isolation and remind you that you are not alone in your experience.
Finding Connection Without Sacrificing Boundaries
One of the most valuable lessons from recent crises is learning to connect meaningfully without losing personal space. Technology has enabled new forms of community engagement, from virtual book clubs to online volunteer networks. The key lies in deliberate participation: choosing connections that align with your interests and energy levels, and communicating clearly about what you expect from each interaction.
For example, instead of attempting to organize large-scale events that may become burdensome, consider smaller group chats or weekly check-ins that respect everyone’s time. These micro-connections can satisfy the human need for belonging while preserving autonomy.
Additionally, practicing active listening — focusing fully on another person’s perspective without immediately evaluating or returning the conversation to yourself — can transform interactions into opportunities for mutual understanding, even when circumstances feel tense.
When to Seek Professional Support
While occasional moments of selfishness during challenging times are normal, persistent feelings of anger, hopelessness, or difficulty functioning might signal the need for professional help. If negative emotions dominate your daily life, disrupt sleep, or impair relationships, speaking with a therapist or counselor can provide valuable tools for processing complex emotions. Therapies such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) are particularly effective for addressing maladaptive thought patterns related to self-worth and social comparison.
Remember, seeking help is not a sign of weakness. It is a proactive step toward building resilience and ensuring long-term well-being. Many therapists offer telehealth options, making it easier to access care during lockdowns or travel restrictions.
Final Thoughts
The experience of feeling selfish during a pandemic is a deeply human response to extraordinary circumstances. It reflects the interplay of biological predispositions, social dynamics, and the fundamental need to survive. By cultivating self-awareness, practicing compassion, and establishing healthy boundaries, individuals can navigate these challenging times with greater balance and connection.
Ultimately, the goal is not to eliminate self-focused emotions entirely but to understand them, contextualize them, and channel them productively. Your feelings are valid; they simply require a more informed and compassionate approach to manage effectively.
Typical pandemic-related selfishness stems from situational stress, limited resources, and the human tendency to prioritize self-preservation during crises. It usually resolves once conditions improve and is not linked to underlying personality disorders. Pathological narcissism involves a fixed pattern of grandiosity, entitlement, and lack of empathy that persists across multiple contexts and is not easily modified by external circumstances.
In small amounts, mild selfishness tends to strengthen relationships by encouraging honesty and clear communication. However, frequent or intense selfishness—particularly when it manifests as blame, criticism, or withdrawal—can strain bonds. Healthy relationships benefit from equal participation, mutual support, and the willingness to listen without defensiveness.
Genuine gratitude acknowledges help received and expresses appreciation without expectation. Genuine selfishness focuses on what one gains or lacks, often at the expense of others. Pay attention to whether expressions of concern include personal needs, and whether actions favor one group over another.
Yes. Collectivist cultures may emphasize interdependence more strongly, making individualistic expressions of selfishness feel more threatening. Individualist cultures might attribute any self-focused reaction to personal failure. Cultural context shapes interpretation and can influence how openly one discusses or manages these feelings.
Feeling unable to act on behalf of others does not negate your inherent worth or ability to care. Recognizing your own constraints is actually a strength—it allows you to direct energy appropriately and avoid burnout. There are countless ways to contribute, even minimal gestures like checking in with a neighbor or sharing verified information.
Final Thoughts
The experience of feeling selfish during a pandemic is a deeply human response to extraordinary circumstances. It reflects the interplay of biological predispositions, social dynamics, and the fundamental need to survive. By cultivating self-awareness, practicing compassion, and establishing healthy boundaries, individuals can navigate these challenging times with greater balance and connection.
Ultimately, the goal is not to eliminate self-focused emotions entirely but to understand them, contextualize them, and channel them productively. Your feelings are valid; they simply require a more informed and compassionate approach to manage effectively.
Typical pandemic-related selfishness stems from situational stress, limited resources, and the human tendency to prioritize self-preservation during crises. It usually resolves once conditions improve and is not linked to underlying personality disorders. Pathological narcissism involves a fixed pattern of grandiosity, entitlement, and lack of empathy that persists across multiple contexts and is not easily modified by external circumstances.
In small amounts, mild selfishness tends to strengthen relationships by encouraging honesty and clear communication. However, frequent or intense selfishness—particularly when it manifests as blame, criticism, or withdrawal—can strain bonds. Healthy relationships benefit from equal participation, mutual support, and the willingness to listen without defensiveness.
Genuine gratitude acknowledges help received and expresses appreciation without expectation. Genuine selfishness focuses on what one gains or lacks, often at the expense of others. Pay attention to whether expressions of concern include personal needs, and whether actions favor one group over another.
Yes. Collectivist cultures may emphasize interdependence more strongly, making individualistic expressions of selfishness feel more threatening. Individualist cultures might attribute any self-focused reaction to personal failure. Cultural context shapes interpretation and can influence how openly one discusses or manages these feelings.
Feeling unable to act on behalf of others does not negate your inherent worth or ability to care. Recognizing your own constraints is actually a strength—it allows you to direct energy appropriately and avoid burnout. There are countless ways to contribute, even minimal gestures like checking in with a neighbor or sharing verified information.
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